Therapy for Survivors of Sexual Trauma

The Pandemic Before the Pandemic

It’s a shared experience in so many women. How many of us were violated, hurt, and taken advantage of by men? – A lot, like A LOT.

Sometimes, it feels so common that it’s hard to remember that it was a violation. When we said #MeToo, we silently whispered, “But mine wasn’t as bad as hers, so why does it bother me so much?” And then there was the, “What’s wrong with me I’m not over it by now?”

These comments are part of the violation and the problem. The silence and minimizing make it worse. In the darkness, the pain grows like a black mold over your soul, infecting you, poisoning you, and making you feel worse and worse.

Your Body Feels Like Foreign Territory

Your physical reactions have betrayed you. While sitting, your heart pounds, armpits get sweaty, and your hearing sounds funny.

And then sometimes, it feels like you’re outside yourself, watching it happen again but from the outside.

Then, the emotional shutdown happens as you pretend to be happy. Things that were once fun now seem like a chore. You can’t sleep, think clearly, and remember details.

Your brain feels foggy on good days, and on the bad days, it’s straight-up hell in there.

Anything to Release the Tension

So, you do risky things like having sex with guys you end up regretting. You take unnecessary risks, hurt yourself, or put yourself in positions where the pain is possible. Drinking, smoking, eating, and fucking are all a release but only for a time.

And then you regret it all. You quietly hate yourself for what you do but can’t admit. Because you’re too busy defending your actions while laughing it off and acting like you’re just fine.

People who don’t know what’s happening inside you are judging all the things they’re seeing. You know what they’re thinking and saying behind your back (or online). But they don’t know what you’ve been through or what goes on inside of you. Even the people closest to you don’t know.

What Would You Even Say?

The chances are that he was someone you knew, trusted, or at least thought you could trust. And he’s probably someone your friends know too.

You don’t know where to begin or what to say. That experience makes you question your memory – “Was it as bad as I think it was?” “Did it happen like that?”

There is also fear of not being believed and the feelings of guilt that come with it. Pain, shame, and embarrassment of it all are present as well.

The Many Faces of Assault

The media likes to portray an image of rape as occurring from a violent perpetrator. Rape by a stranger happens sometimes. However, the reality is that it usually looks very different.

Date rape is the most common form of sexual assault. But what if you weren’t on a date or he was a friend or just someone you knew? And what if it wasn’t rape? What if it was a sexual violation of some other kind?

It can be confusing and complicated and wrapped in many self-doubts, blame, secrecy, and shame. So, it’s hard to sort it all out, especially if you’re trying to do it alone.

Reactions to Sexual Trauma

Sexual trauma disrupts your sense of safety and makes you question yourself. It’s common to look back at what happened and try to think about what you could have done differently to prevent it.

There’s a feeling of being stuck in the fear, pain, and shame of it all. And it’s tough to ‘unstick’ yourself.

Sexual trauma is known to disrupt your sense of sexuality and what it means to feel empowered about sex. Sometimes sex is used after an assault to reclaim the body or as a protective cloak. There’s the mentality of, “This time I’m in charge; this time I get to have a say over it.”

It creates a distance in relationships. Suddenly, it’s hard to trust others and difficult to feel connected to people, making it easier to isolate rather than explain.

Distraction and avoidance occur to manage it all. Other things in your life begin to be impacted. Grades slip, work gets avoided, and mustering up the energy to look nice is all but impossible.

It can look like depression or anxiety because sexual trauma creates deep pain and causes you to feel on edge, jittery, doubting others’ intentions, and finding it difficult to relax.

Getting Help

Let’s dispel a myth about getting help. You do not need to recount every detail of what happened to you. You can but it is not a required step to getting better.

Getting better is about taking back control – real control of your brain, body, and life. Many women tell themselves what it means to be in control, but they know deep down that they feel out of control.

Real control requires calmness. It is logical.

Therapy can teach you how to reclaim how your brain processes things – not just the past – but also everyday things that have been impacted by the past.

It’s a unique sensation when you take back your brain. Things click into place, and you’re able to think clearly, talk to yourself differently, and be present in the moment.

We begin by developing an understanding of how your brain had been operating and processing things. Then, you learn the skills to train your brain to work differently. Once you’ve mastered the skills, we apply them to all areas of your life – past, present, and future.

You’ll feel less scared, at ease in your daily life, and able to focus and concentrate again. You’ll worry less and be you also.

It All Starts with a Call

Getting better can happen quickly. We start with a free 20-minute phone call to learn about what’s causing you to be stuck, what you’ve tried (and hasn’t worked), and how I can help you develop the skills to get unstuck.

Don’t spend another minute sitting in pain. You can begin feeling better today.