Individual Therapy
“Recovery doesn’t mean the damage never existed. It simply means it no longer controls you.”
– Unknown
Inside Doesn’t Match Outside
There’s that feeling of a deep ache, one where the people around you don’t fully know about or get. You’ve tried to explain, but there aren’t the right words to describe it. What people see is that you’ve got it all; everything in your life seems reasonable – but you’re not feeling good.
You’ve tried so many things to make your life right, including self-help books, podcasts, other therapists, and Ted Talks. But they’re all too generic, and none of them gave the relief that you needed.
So, you keep your game face on, crushing life in all the ways that people notice. But inside, it feels like life is crushing you. Keeping busy can distract you for only so long.
Eventually, all the stress, pain, and heartache catches-up – and it’s usually right before bed with another night of tossing and turning and another day of being overly caffeinated. All of life seems to pass by in a bit of a blur, and you can’t remember the last time you truly felt at rest and happy.
You dedicate so much of your effort and energy to taking care of everyone else – everyone except you. A weird feeling in the pit of your stomach creeps in when you think about putting yourself first or saying no to other people. Just thinking about taking care of yourself makes you feel guilty.
Time to Make Time for Yourself
Feeling like this is exhausting.
You’re tired of being tired, always worrying and wondering, playing out scenarios in your head, while still wondering what you could have or should have done differently.
But it’s time for something to be different. You’ve been suffocating under the weight of all the tension for too long, and it’s finally time to do something about it.
As that old saying goes, “If nothing changes, then nothing will change.”
You’re Not Crazy. You’re Just Alone.
When you spend all that time in your mind, playing things out, questioning things, and letting your worst memories play out, it will drive you mad!
Even when you’re around people, you’re feeling detached and disconnected from them. People don’t know what you’ve gone through or what goes through your mind.
To cope, you keep yourself busy, so people think of you as being accomplished, driven, and motivated. But you’re simply trying to change the channel inside your head. And you can’t let them down.
But all of this makes you feel more and more alone. And it doesn’t help that you’ve become your own worst critic. Alone in your thoughts with a mean inner voice, you feel stuck, trapped, and scared.
Kelly*, B.C. (Before Cassie)
When Kelly first called me, she found herself stuck between a rock and a hard place. She worked so hard to have it all, and on the surface, she did. She had a husband who loved her, a career that was burgeoning, friends who would show up in a pinch, and she made sure to exercise and eat healthy to keep appearances up.
But her life felt like a big fat lie. She never slept and hated bedtime. She kept herself busy and her mind occupied during the day, but her mind would wander to all the darkest corners of her imagination at nighttime. She hated being alone in her own house – always worried that someone would break in and hurt her kids.
Her thoughts were wildly out of control as if her mind had betrayed her. Sparks of images flew across her mind while she remembered bits and pieces of being assaulted in college. And she’d lose time thinking about what she could have done differently – what she should have done to stop it.
And the ‘Façade’ Came Crashing Down
In the morning, Kelly felt exhausted, and the stress wore on her. As a result, her workouts became less routine, and she made mistakes at work. All her self-criticism played out loudly in her mind, paralyzing her, making it even harder for her to get the same sense of reward from her work.
There was no break from the tension, feeling on edge, being annoyed easily, and losing her patience. Kelly felt like her life was slowly unraveling and out of control. She became desperate, and losing control scared the crap out of her.
What Kelly was feeling didn’t make sense. Sure, she was assaulted in college, but that was years ago. She moved on, or so she thought. How could something that occurred so long ago be affecting her today?
The Final Straw
When Kelly called me, she was in the middle of a bad week at work. She made a big mistake and couldn’t stop thinking about it, feeling overwhelmed by the juggling of things. She was super afraid that she’d drop another ball and let everyone around her down. Or worse yet, that they’d figure out it was all a façade.
Quickly, Kelly shared that her feelings about being stuck and in a rut. I asked her, “When do you think the rut started?”
And after a pause, she shared that it had started slowly from years ago. Sometimes she moved past it – at other times, it was more challenging. And now, it’s gotten pretty deep. She said she didn’t know how it got so bad this time, and she didn’t have the time to waste.
Too much was riding on her being on her A-game. She needed to be out of this rut YESTERDAY.
Kelly’s Comeback
Kelly had some pre-conceived notions about what therapy would entail. She thought she’d show up every week and talk about her feelings, not sure how that could change anything for her. But she knew something needed to change, so she gave it a shot.
Kelly was pleasantly surprised to learn that therapy with me wasn’t quite what she expected. She had homework; she had to write out what she was thinking and bring it back to me. We spent just as much time talking about what she thought as we looked at how she felt – but it was cool to see how her thoughts were controlling her feelings.
And then, when Kelly looked closer at her thoughts, she saw flaws in how she was thinking. Each week she received a new homework assignment that built on the previous week. And each week, Kelly understood her brain a little bit better. And with this understanding, she could recognize where her brain needed to update its thinking.
Working Herself Out of the Stuck
Kelly began to see how she processed past pain in a way that kept her stuck – but then it also became a template for how she was processing all additional information – which kept her further stuck. So, she took the skills she learned and began applying them to re-process her past.
Quickly, Kelly began doing her homework – at work meetings, in bed, and in all the situations previously bugged her. Without even meaning to do it, she memorized the questions on her worksheets. And then, they became automatic – a habit. And her thinking slowly shifted.
She learned how to challenge herself and do the skills independently so she could make herself feel better whenever she wanted. She didn’t even need therapy anymore because she could do therapy to herself!
A Different Kind of Therapy
Kelly’s changes happened kind of fast. Within weeks she saw results. And within a few months, she felt a sense of relief that she didn’t know was even possible.
Kelly would tell you that therapy with me is not regular therapy. Sure, there are things about this type of therapy similar to other types of therapy. There’s a special relationship between a client and their therapist that is essential to all therapy – you must feel safe and trust your therapist. You have to like them and feel comfortable with them. It needs to be confidential.
But this felt different to her. For the first time, Kelly felt like someone who “got it” – got what happened to her in college. She could talk about it without her brain flooding in memories of every minute detail and could speak with a sense of self-control – and that was weird and relieving all at once.
Kelly learned to process her past, present, and fears about her future while not feeling overcome and overwhelmed by emotions. It helped that she knew that she’d always get an honest, pragmatic, and logical approach to dealing with the problem no matter what she said.
A New Lens to Her Past – Opened Her Future
Looking at things with an honest and pragmatic approach felt counter-intuitive, mostly after she spent years trying to avoid thinking these things. So, Kelly learned how to do therapy in a guided and thought out approach. And with the help of therapy, she could do it and found it relieving.
Kelly learned to look inside her brain and process things in the past without becoming stuck. That’s where the skills help. Once she could see where things got stuck, she used the skills she learned to ‘unstick’ herself in therapy.
Those skills didn’t feel generic either. Kelly knew that she needed to learn the skills and techniques. She saw how each skill she learned fit her way of thinking, feeling, and life. There was a laser-focused strategy to help her target her biggest struggles, which led to a domino effect where other pains slowly faded.
But Kelly’s wasn’t slow. As soon as she got traction, she started making some significant shifts. Her sleep improved, concentration got better, she felt less irritable and had more time in the day.
Not only did Kelly achieve results fast – but she learned how to deliver results for herself. Developing those skills wasn’t something she could do by herself, but now she knows how to do it for herself.
It’s Time to Pivot
Therapy can be fun, engaging, and efficient. It’s possible to feel relief, focus, and ease in your life without being overwhelmed and scared.
Taking the first step to change is as simple as having a free 20-minute phone consult to see if we’d be a good fit to work together.
Reach out today to begin to put a plan in place to make lasting changes in your life.
*Kelly is a composite of several people I have worked with and helped over the years. I removed personal and identifying information to protect the privacy of the Kellys with whom I have worked.