Introduction: Healing Hypersexuality and Trauma
Many trauma survivors struggle to underdating their sexuality and sex drive after experiencing a traumatic event. Trauma destabilizes your sense of self, and your sense of control over your own life. These changes are overwhelming and confusing, and can lead to a lot of behaviors that also feel confusing. It is common for people to start taking higher risks after they go through trauma, and increased sexual behaviors (hypersexuality) is a common way that takes shape for people.
When people begin to show increased sexual behaviors, they often also feel shame, isolation, and confusion. When this gets added into an already painful mix of trauma-based emotions, a person can grow to feel increasingly out of control or ashamed of how they are handling their pain.
These changes can be distressing for both the individual and their support system. Loved ones may misinterpret these changes, sometimes minimizing the trauma itself or misunderstanding its impact.
The reality is that changes in sexual behavior following trauma are common. In this blog, we’ll explore why hypersexuality can emerge as a trauma response, how it relates to the brain’s attempt to regain control, and most importantly, how survivors can heal and take back their sexual lives with compassion and empowerment.
What Is Hypersexuality?
Hypersexuality is a learned behavior that a person takes on after a traumatic event as a means to cope with feeling confused, powerless, or diminished.
Hypersexuality is characterized by an increase in sexual thoughts, urges, or behaviors that deviate from an individual’s baseline sex drive. Everyone has a unique baseline for sexual interest, making hypersexuality highly individualized.
Some misconceptions about hypersexuality stem from societal assumptions about what constitutes a “normal” sex drive. It’s important to recognize that hypersexuality is not about the volume of sexual activity but about how much a person’s behavior has shifted compared to their usual patterns.
Hypersexual behavior can involve:
- Increased sexual activity with partners or strangers
- Increased engagement in solo sexual behavior
- A change in the intensity or type of sexual activities
These behaviors often stem from the brain’s attempt to cope with unresolved trauma, not from moral failings or character flaws.
What Hypersexuality is NOT
Hypersexuality is not proof that a person isn’t struggling with their trauma.
Hypersexuality is not an indicator that someone’s trauma might not have been “that bad”.
Hypersexuality is not a reason to question or invalidate a survivor of trauma.
Hypersexuality is not a justification of the trauma the person went through
Hypersexuality is not an explanation of why the trauma happened in the first place.
Hypersexuality is not a moral failure.
How Trauma Changes the Brain & Body…And How That Effects Sexuality
Trauma fundamentally alters the brain. Research using brain scans has shown structural changes in how the brain processes danger, trust, and control after trauma. These changes can create deeply ingrained beliefs about safety, worth, and control; factors that directly influence sexual behavior.
Also, during and after a traumatic event, your brain wants to go into a state of overdrive to protect you. This is called “hyperarousal” – meaning, you are seeing an increase of energy and attention aimed at keeping you alert and ready to take action to protect yourself. Your brain releases the hormones Addrenalin and Cortisol throughout your body to keep you at high alert levels for extended periods of time.
After the trauma, these responses typically return to baseline after several weeks. However, for some people, they remain elevated, and this is typically when PTSD forms. When living in an elevated state, it becomes increasingly hard to regulate your emotions, thoughts, and physical responses to situations.
With higher levels of Adrenaline coursing through someone’s body, there is often a higher chance that they begin to seek out high risk behaviors as an outlet for that feeling. Sometimes people begin driving recklessly, sometimes, they get into more fights…and sometimes they see an increase of sexual behaviors, thus leading to hypersexuality.
How Trauma Changes the Way You Think About Sexuality
As we said above, trauma changes the brain. It also changes the way you understand yourself, others and the world around you. These changes then deeply and fundamentally change the way you see every aspect of your life, including your sexuality and sexual behaviors. Eventually, this changes your thought patterns and will create deeply held beliefs that then guide how you engage with the world around you and how you then navigate your life, relationships and decisions. These thought patterns are often rooted in what Cognitive Processing Therapy (CPT) calls “Stuckpoints”.
What are Stuckpoints?
Stuckpoints are any beliefs that a person is holding that then creates an unpleasant emotion and it won’t go away. These are often unhelpful or unrealistic beliefs formed as a way to process trauma but ultimately cause emotional pain and behavioral challenges.
Stuckpoints have certain qualities to them, including (but not limited to):
- Being black or white thinking (“Either I trust you or you’re dangerous to me”)
- Extremes in thinking (“Anything less than an A is a failure”)
- If/Then Statements (“If I set a boundary then I am being mean”)
- Moral Failings (“I should be able to get more work done”)
In essence, these Stuckpoints become a template for how someone makes sense of the world around them. And, in the case of trauma, this template can become very bruised and harmed. Which then leads to a person struggling with deeply painful beliefs and emotions.
Common Stuck Points That Lead to Hypersexuality
1. "I should have stopped it" / "I let it happen"
Survivors with these beliefs often struggle with self-blame. When someone begins to blame themselves for what happened, they gain a false sense of control so that they don’t feel as powerless. This can then lead to someone wanting to exert control over their sex life by making explicit choices to engage in sex so that they don’t have to feel powerless over sex. To regain a sense of control, they may engage in sexual behaviors that seem to reclaim agency over their bodies, even if these behaviors feel risky or out of character.
2. "I am only wanted for my body"
This belief can lead to compliance in sexual situations, driven by a need to feel valued or desired. It creates a cycle where personal needs are neglected in favor of external validation.
3. "People are selfish"
Believing that others only care about their own desires can push survivors to engage in transactional or emotionally detached sexual behavior, seeing intimacy as a power dynamic rather than a source of connection.
4. "This time I’m in charge"
Some survivors attempt to gain mastery over past trauma by taking control in sexual situations, often in a way that mirrors previous experiences of powerlessness.
5. "I’m broken, I am dirty"
Deep shame and feelings of worthlessness can lead survivors to seek sexual experiences that reinforce negative self-beliefs, perpetuating a cycle of pain.
6. "I can’t keep myself safe"
A constant sense of danger can make it difficult to set boundaries or avoid risky situations, leading to increased vulnerability and exposure to further harm.
7. “If I say ‘No’ then they won’t like me anymore”
Trauma often leads to a deep sense of isolation and loneliness, and therefore, survivors fear loss of support, even if the support wasn’t actually a healthy one. Also, in the past, it is possible that their “nos” were ignored, mocked, or used against them. Therefore, the idea of “no” can be scary and shied away from.
How to Heal and Change These Stuck Points
Healing from hypersexuality involves understanding and challenging these stuck points through trauma-focused therapy, such as Cognitive Processing Therapy (CPT). Here’s how the process unfolds in a very brief nutshell:
1. Identifying Stuck Points
Early in therapy, you’ll work with your therapist to identify your stuck points through guided journaling and structured discussions. This comprehensive list becomes the foundation of your healing journey.
2. Learning Skills to Change Stuck Points
Each week in CPT, you’ll learn new skills to challenge and change stuck points. These skills help reframe beliefs into more balanced, compassionate, and accurate understandings of yourself, others, and the world.
3. Applying Skills in Real-Time
As you practice identifying and challenging stuck points, you’ll learn to apply these skills in your daily life. This helps reduce emotional distress and disrupt negative behavior patterns.
4. Generalizing These Skills to All Areas of Life
Ultimately, therapy helps you generalize these skills beyond sexual behavior, improving relationships, self-esteem, trust, and overall well-being.
How Likely Is It to Heal from Trauma?
The good news is that trauma therapy works. Evidence-based approaches like CPT have shown a 92% efficacy rate when clients complete the full protocol. These results are long-lasting, providing relief from PTSD and associated challenges like hypersexuality.
What Will Sex Look Like After Healing from Trauma?
Healing from trauma doesn’t mean suppressing your sexuality—it means reclaiming it on your terms. After trauma therapy, you can expect to:
- Experience Sexuality with Choice and Consent: You decide when, how, and with whom you engage in sexual activity.
- Feel Emotionally Safe and Empowered: You can set and maintain boundaries without guilt or fear.You get to choose when you want to engage in sex and what that looks like for you.
- Enjoy Pleasure Without Pain: Sex becomes a source of connection and joy rather than a coping mechanism.
Conclusion: Taking the Next Step Toward Healing
Healing from trauma and regaining control over your sexual life is not only possible—it’s within your reach. You don’t have to navigate this journey alone. With the right support, you can challenge unhelpful beliefs, rebuild trust in yourself, and create a fulfilling, empowered relationship with your sexuality.
Ready to Start Healing?
If you’re in Massachusetts, Vermont, Virginia, Florida, or Illinois, and ready to explore trauma therapy and take back control of your life, reach out today for a free consultation. Let’s work together toward a future where you feel safe, whole, and empowered.
