If you’ve ever said:
“I feel like I’m here, but not really here.”
“It’s like the world goes foggy.”
“Sometimes things just don’t feel real.”
“I feel like I’m outside of my body watching myself.”
…you’re not alone, and you’re not “losing your mind.”
You’re dissociating — a neurobiological safety response, not a personal flaw.
Women across Massachusetts, Virginia, Illinois, Vermont, and Florida regularly come into therapy terrified to name this experience. Many think it means they’re “crazy,” broken, or unstable. The truth is much simpler:
Dissociation is your brain’s way of protecting you when things feel too overwhelming.
1. What It Feels Like: “I’m Here, But I’m Not Here”
Clients often struggle to describe dissociation because it can feel surreal or embarrassing. Here’s the language I hear most often:
- “I just felt out of it.”
- “It was like I could watch everything from the ceiling.”
- “I just feel kind of fuzzy.”
- “Sometimes things don’t even feel real.”
These are signs of:
Depersonalization Feeling detached from yourself — as if living in the third person.
Derealization Feeling detached from your surroundings — like the world is foggy, dreamlike, or unreal.
And here’s the grounding truth: You’re not broken. You’re dissociating. Your brain is doing exactly what it was designed to do during overwhelming experiences.
2. It’s a Safety Strategy (Not a Flaw)
Dissociation is not a personal weakness. It’s a biological reflex — the “deep freeze” on the fight/flight/freeze continuum.
When danger or pain feels inescapable, your brain chooses the only option left: Shut down awareness to survive the moment.
This can happen during:
- Childhood emotional neglect
- Chronic criticism
- Domestic violence
- Medical trauma
- Sexual coercion
- Overwhelming fear with no way out
Your brain did something brilliant: It protected you by numbing you.
The problem? That reflex becomes a habit. Now your nervous system pulls the “eject” cord even during everyday stress:
- A tense meeting
- A disagreement with your partner
- A loud noise
- A conflict at work
Your body isn’t overreacting. It’s remembering.
3. The Spectrum of Dissociation (TIC vs. TFC Scope)
Dissociation is not all-or-nothing. There’s a continuum — and each level requires a different therapeutic response.
Mild Detachment (Normal)
- Daydreaming
- Highway hypnosis
- Getting “lost” in thought
This is everyday zoning out — not trauma.
Moderate Dissociation (May Need Trauma-Focused Care or DBT)
- Feeling numb
- Losing track of conversation
- Going “glassy-eyed”
- Drifting during sessions
- Feeling “not real”
This is common in trauma survivors. Therapists must manage this carefully but ethically — not process trauma while a client is dissociated.
Severe Dissociation (Requires DBT Referral)
- Losing hours or days
- Finding objects you don’t remember buying
- Not knowing how you arrived somewhere
- Significant identity confusion
This is outside the scope of general therapy. It requires specialized care, trauma-focused treatment, or DBT.
Safety Note: If dissociation interferes with your ability to keep yourself safe (e.g., driving, cooking), this becomes a clinical safety priority — and clients need immediate support and a clear plan
4. Managing It in Therapy: The 3-Step Protocol
Dissociation can be scary for clients — and many therapists freeze when their clients freeze.
Here is how trauma-trained clinicians manage dissociation safely and ethically.
Step 1: Confirm Gently
You seem a little far away right now — are you noticing that too?”
No shame. No urgency. Just naming the moment.
Step 2: Ask for Consent
“Would you like help coming back into the room?”
Consent is essential. You cannot force someone out of a safety state. Their nervous system must choose re-engagement.
Step 3: Grounding (Not Processing)
Use a body-focused skill (like the 5-4-3-2-1 technique) to bring awareness back to the here-and-now.
Notice what isn’t here:
- No trauma processing.
- No interpretation.
- No questions about why it happened.
When a client is dissociating, safety comes first. Healing comes later.
5. Healing Is Possible
Grounding manages dissociation. It brings you back into your body in the moment.
Trauma-focused therapy treats the root. Evidence-based treatments like CPT, EMDR, and PE help your brain reprocess the original trauma so the “eject” button stops getting pressed.
Healing isn’t about suppressing dissociation — it’s about teaching your brain it no longer needs to protect you this way.
You are not stuck with this forever. Your brain can learn safety again.
For Clients in MA, VA, IL, VT, or FL:
You don’t have to fear “checking out.” We can manage it together. If you need help staying present, let’s talk.
For Therapists & Clinicians:
When a client dissociates, do you know the protocol? My toolkit gives you exact Grounding Scripts and Consent Language designed for trauma-informed intakes
References:
-
- PsychCentral: Coping with Trauma Through Dissociation .Link: Coping with Trauma Through Dissociation
- Mayo Clinic: Dissociative Disorders: Symptoms & Causes .Link: Dissociative Disorders Overview
- Old Vineyard Behavioral Health Services: Understanding Dissociation as a Trauma Response .Link: Dissociation as a Trauma Response
- Better Health Channel: Dissociation and Grounding Techniques .Link: Grounding Techniques
